religion

recently i went to my first church service. ironic since i was a religion minor and all. but i went because i was asked by a friend, not because she is devout, but rather to observe and take in. she knows that i love observation and my sociological mind would go crazy. i have always been curious bout services and the messages, but never ventured into for fear/apprehension of not wanting to be told over and over again about how i should be a follower and such. i always catch myself stopping at the channels that are showing the mega churches just because i'm fascinated by the fact that there are so many people in the audience all believing and wanting the support from god.
i think it's great that people are religious, just like i think it's great people are gay. i have no issues with people wanting to be part of a community or a place that brings them peace and direction. i do however have issues with people trying to convert me. there needs to be a mutual respect. i don't tell you not to believe in what you believe in, so please don't tell me that either. if i want a religious path, i'll seek it out on my own. i've been raised without religion dictating the direction of my life, and i think i've gotten by wonderfully. there have been many ups and many downs, but i've always made my way back up and will continue to do so. same for you, if you are a practicing religious person (whatever the religion may be) i think it's wonderful that you've found that guide and direction with your beliefs. whatever get you through your days, i say to each his own.
even though i was not raised in a religious home, i feel like i've learned how to treat people with respect and love. i don't believe that religions are the only place these lessons are taught.
my biggest issue with religion is that i see a lot of hypocrisy. maybe i need to be more open minded about this but from my experiences i have met very few, maybe only 1 person who actually fully in every aspect, lives through his/her religion and all the teachings. now people may say, that's the beauty in religion is that you get to pick and choose and adapt the religion to how it will better your life. i disagree with this. i think if your going to say you are religious and claim to be christian, muslim, or buddhist, whatever it may be, that you live fully by those teachings. this is where i see the disconnect. there are religions that say to love everyone as your brother or sister, but then denounce gays. how is this loving everyone as a brother or sister? there are religions that tell you lying and cheating are sins. but millions of people do this. so would the argument be that you adapted your beliefs to be that cheating and lying was ok? or that because someone is gay, they are no longer a brother or sister? there is no compassion in this, and i'm not aware of any belief system that would encourage such behavior.
another issue i have with churches and large institutions is the fact they are businesses. sure they offer guidance, belief and support, but at the same time they are making money and the more money they can earn, the more successful. this seems wrong to me. i feel like it takes away from the individual and his/her beliefs. the justification for taking money, most times is god wants you to share your wealth...who exactly are you sharing that wealth with? in the hierarchy of churches, the leaders are wealthy, have extravagant things...is this who your paying? sure some goes to people in need, but why not all of it?
bottom line, i just hope people are good to each other. i'm always hopeful and believe that people are inherently good. let's be good to everyone. we need to stop hurting each other.

judgement

we are all guilty of judging. it's inevitable. we are judgemental towards people we don't know, as well as our loved ones. i'm ok with this, as long as you are aware and conscientious of that fact that you are doing so. maybe this is a shallow way of looking at things. but i also know that i'm judged by people i encounter. i try to keep my judging to myself and sometimes with people who are close.
the reason for all this though is because i like to read the comments on articles that people post. i find it absolutely crazy that people write the things they do. it's actually really sad to me that people think like this. it's disgusting to me that people would actually say an innocent kid dying is actually for the better. i just don't understand how people can feel this way. i'm thankful that i have freedom of speech and thought but i think this also gets take for granted far too often. but then those very same people could read this and think i'm insane for thinking this...what a cycle. people are fascinating.

roles

i don't get it. recently there has been an overwhelming trend of strong, beautiful, successful women who are with loser dudes, or guys that are far bellow their standards. why it is this and why do we, as women settle for this? i don't have an issue about the woman being the bread winner, but the guy needs to contribute and equally pull his weight. i feel as though guys have more of an issue if they are not the bread winner, almost like its de-masculating him. but in the scenarios that i'm thinking about, these guys don't care that their women are doing everything.
i know we as humans don't like to be lonely, and some believe company (regardless of who) is better than no company. i can understand this, but i don't like this concept. i think this is such a hard subject though because you see scenarios where women are career driven and then end up in their 40s single and wanting a family. it's a shame that we haven't allowed for women to be successful in careers and have a family. it's one or the other. this is not a fair decision.

when you settle, you lose a sense of yourself. it may not be obvious at first, but if you're in a situation where you are settling you realize it and then have to figure out what next. do you continue in this pattern or do you put your foot down and say enough is enough. it's easier to stay then to make a change, but should this be the risk of losing your identity? how do you get out of it?

thinkin of u

today is your birthday. it's almost been a year since you passed. it's been a long year, but it also seems so recent. you would have been 60 today. i miss you and your presence in my life and the rest of my familys. also thinking about your family and the loss that we all feel since your passing. hope you are in better place. happy birthday. <3

decided that this is a better place to blog. over myspace, so writing there doesn't seem so appropriate anymore. just a free write of my thoughts and feelings.